FlatPage — sleep through false alarms, wake up for real outages

// dream_outcome

Imagine your phone going silent when it should — and screaming when it must.

No more 47 Slack pings at 11pm. No more sleeping through the one email that mattered. One signal, the right volume, at the right hour.

11:42 PM

Stripe webhook retried. Auto-resolved. Phone stays silent.

3:42 AM

prod-api down. Critical Alert pierces DND. Up in 90s.

9:01 AM

TLS cert expires in 14 days. Quiet ticket — handled at coffee.

// mechanism

How FlatPage wakes you for the right reasons.

Five steps. No agents on your prod box. No fate-sharing.

step_01
Monitor every 10s
HTTP · TCP · ping · cron heartbeat · TLS expiry. From separate infra.
$ http_check api.acme.io
200 OK · 142ms
step_02
Failure detected
3 consecutive fails confirms. False positives die here.
$ http_check api.acme.io
503 · 503 · 503
step_03
iOS Critical Alert
Apple-granted entitlement. Bypasses DND, Silent, Focus. Android full-screen too.
$ page --critical
SENT · DND_PIERCED
step_04
No ack in 2 min?
Twilio phone call. Transparent $0.10/page passthrough.
$ escalate --twilio
RINGING +1•••
step_05
Still nothing?
Backup co-founder takes the page automatically.
$ handoff --backup
@cofounder · ACK 0:14

// what_you_get

Everything PagerDuty unbundled, re-bundled at $9.

Anchor: PagerDuty starts at $29 per user per month. We are flat per account.

✓HTTP / TCP / ping / cron heartbeat / TLS cert expiry monitors
$29/mo value
✓iOS Critical Alerts entitlement (DND-piercing · Apple-granted)
$49/mo value
✓Android full-screen notifications
$19/mo value
✓Twilio phone-call escalation (transparent passthrough)
$39/mo value
✓On-call rotation with backup handoff
$59/mo value
✓Stripe webhook + DB-disk + TLS templates pre-built
$29/mo value
Total stacked value
$224/mo

founding_price

$224/mo $9 /mo flat · 1 phone

Save $215/mo. Locked for life. Beats PagerDuty by $260/mo for a 9-person team.

Claim a founding spot →

▸ 41 of 100 founding spots remaining

// guarantees

Two guarantees no enterprise vendor will match.

guarantee_01

Miss a real incident in month one?

We comp your next 3 months and walk you through your runbook on Zoom.

$ flatpage refund
3 months credited

guarantee_02

90-day money-back guarantee.

Not happy? Email us. Export your config as monitors.yaml. No lock-in.

$ flatpage export
wrote monitors.yaml

// scarcity

Why only 100 founding accounts?

Apple grants iOS Critical Alerts entitlement case-by-case. We can only onboard 100 founders before Apple wants real volume metrics. After 100, founding rate closes; future indies pay $19/mo.

founding_spots_remaining41 / 100

59 founders claimed · 41 remaining at $9/mo locked-for-life

Grab spot #60 →

// faq

Honest answers, fast.

Do you really have iOS Critical Alerts?

Yes. Apple-granted entitlement, case-by-case. That is the wedge — generic push apps cannot pierce DND. We can.

Can I self-host?

No — and that is the whole point. Separating monitor infra from your prod box is the value.

Can I bring my own monitor?

No. Bundling monitor + pager + rotation is the wedge — and the reason we can ship at $9 flat.

Can I cancel?

Any time. One click. Export your monitors.yaml on the way out.

3am is closer than you think.
Your founding spot is here.

No credit card · iOS Critical Alerts entitlement · Cancel any time

▸ Founding spots remaining: 41 of 100